I am so miserable its not even funny. I love my team, internal medicine people rock, but dude... someone give me something to do. I am, quite frankly, bored. I feel useless. I have no real responsibility with regards to patient care. Everything is pomp and show. I am going thru the motions. Futility defines my existence. If anything, I do secretarial work ... which is fine, but not real doctoring. I am so bored. Oh wait. I already said that. I cannot see myself doing an internal medicine residency. I am brimming with negative energy and I loathe myself for it. I mean, seriously. I came to med school because I wanted to help take care of poor people, and IM/primary care is probably the best way to do that. But dude, the system is so totally not me.

I think I'm sucking it because its freaking cold outside. I need to move back to California and see the sun. I can't even remember the last time I was out in the sun. All I remember is that there was this glowing ball of fire in the sky and it was hurting my eyes.

I also think I need to get a life. As in, I need to get out there and be young and stupid. I need to go around pretending that I am invincible, defying authority, and mocking the masses. I need to give up this pancy-ass Ivy academic attitude for a groovy crunchy volkswagon buggy existence. I guess to do that, I'd first have to learn how to drive. Baby steps, dear, baby steps.