The world is disappointing me. I've been working in the Hill Health Clinic [located in the poor part of New Haven] as part of my pediatrics rotation. I look at the youth of today and I feel so sad. The kids I have been working with have no dreams, no will to study, no aspirations for greatness. I grew up poor and before I did this rotation, I always thought that I would always have some affinity towards the poor. But honestly, being poor today means something totally different than what being poor in the 1980s was all about. When I was growing up, we had to bust our asses to get anywhere. We had to study harder, be smarter, and excell beyond all reasonable expectations in order to BE someone, in order to simply be acknowledged. Today, being poor seems to mean accepting mediocrity. I asked an 8 year old kid the other day what they thought they did the best at and she said, "Watching T.V.!".... I thought I could smack her. I just wanted to be like, "Man. Just study! Read! Make something of yourself!"

In New Haven, there is so much violence among the youth. They shoot each other because, get this, THEY HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO. A couple of med students have already been mugged by like, a group of 13 year olds, because they have nothing better to do than skip school and f***k around. Yesterday, I took care of this 17 year old who is recovering from a gun shot wound to his buttock. He needed an intramuscular injection for an STD infection and when I brought out the needle to stick him he practically pee-d in his pants. I was like, "Dude. You just got shot in the butt a couple of months ago and you're afraid of THIS tiny needle?" He practically fainted on me. Goes to show, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

The stuff in Iraq is also depressing me. I heard the story of the 17 year old Kurdish girl who was beaten by her family for converting to Islam and I was so revolted I wanted to vomit. I am sick of people justifying violence in the name of religion. Complete idiocy. People should be allowed to just do their own thang.

I have also been bothered by the pedantic structure of medical school. I am sick of people who chose to be in academic medicine and then show no interest in teaching. I mean absolutely SICK of it. Being a teacher is such a privelege, such a responsibility, and I HATE people who treat it like its a onerous duty that they have no interest in. Its like, dude, you teach like shit. If you're faculty at Yale, act like you're faculty at Yale.

So much negative energy ... badness. I gues I should do something nice and positive for someone in order to establish some sense of balance in this increasingly chaotic and ugly world.

I think my next new thing is going to be about being a raw - foodist. I want to try it out for a week ... and then a month ... and then a few months. I think it will be a cool exercise in will, in purity, in returning to the earth. I just need to figure out a good source of protein as I'm working out a lot these days. Hmmm. And calcium. How do you get raw calcium?